It has taken a while to write this, primarily because I wrote it to be a facetious challenge and never expected it to become a reality.
There is a saying many may know about the span of friendships – some friends are for a reason, a season, or for a lifetime. I am lucky to have made several friends for seasons and a few for a lifetime. The joy, adventure, and love each friendship brings to my life is invaluable and their presence is a constant wonder. Two friends of mine emphasize the complexity of friendship; I have broken up with both of them, but with different outcomes.
Punch and I have been friends since high school when I needed encouragement to be outgoing and adventurous. It was nice to have a friend with which I could release all my worries, if only for a while. Over the years, I observed Punch’s carefree nature manifest more as lack of consideration than lack of concern. Punch was asking more and more of me in little ways. Showing up late, forgetting simple information, changing plans and asking for help last-minute were all normal behavior for Punch. I edited Punch’s essays and reviewed applications, reminded Punch about car keys and phone chargers, encouraged healthy behavior and listened to complaints constantly. The amount of worry and responsibility I took on for my friend detracted from my ability to enjoy Punch’s presence. We had had several discussions and arguments before the Break about both of our concerns and what friends were supposed to do. The conversations usually ended with me crying, frustrated, and Punch quietly saying we would talk more later.As one might imagine, I grew tired of our friendship and made the decision to give myself a break.
The Point before the Break came in nursing school when I was at my most vulnerable. I remember coming back to campus after clinical and seeing a message from Punch about reviewing a paper last-minute. I called and our conversation quickly devolved into an argument. After a minute of silence, I finally asked Punch to have some time to my self. That night I cried, thinking that was the end of our friendship.
Mansfield and I have also been friends since high school, in part because of mutual friends and in part because of our awesome taste in movies. A tragedy in Mansfield’s family drove a slight wedge between us which grew bigger and bigger. Years passed and I grew accustomed to my friend’s absence, occasionally wondering how Mansfield was fairing. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Mansfield messaged me hoping to reconnect. Although it seemed like a genuine offer of friendship, I cautiously agreed, wondering if Mansfield wanted anything specific from me. Lately friends had wanted to reconnect to learn more about my sister, especially because she was engaged to be married to her high school sweetheart. It was only later when Mansfield asked for my sister’s intercession to help with a career change that I second-guessed Mansfield’s intentions. Neither I nor Mansfield attempted to communicate with each other for months. Although this Break was unintended, it allowed me to focus on my sister and our family when they needed my presence most.
The Punch Break lasted half a year. During this time, several life experiences in addition to natural maturation changed Punch. I cannot speak for Punch, but I appreciate our friendship much more after the Break. As for Mansfield, I have yet to receive a response to my apologies and entreaties to meet. I hope one day we may and I may regain some trust in my friend and my friend in me. Unfortunately I know trust is similar to friendship in that it is easily shattered and hard to rebuild.
Liv 'n Learn 